Being a kinship carer can be the most complicated thing a person could ever do due to both the legal aspects of caring and the emotional impact to the child and the carers. Add this to everyday turmoil and it can seem like a never ending test of your sanity. It takes dedication, passion and determination. I have questioned my own determination and asked myself several times in the last 3 years should I just give up university and thanks to my man I have not given up yet. I passed my exams and am now heading into year three of my psychology course. The child we care for has been living with us for 3 and a half years now and I even managed to get a job working with Autistic people with hours that suit school hours and summer holidays. I may have questioned my determination, but my passion and my dedication as they listen to my man and seem to dictate my actions and re-motivate my determination. These three attributes, as you will discover, they are key, to caring for a young child.
This is a vast improvement on where we were just a few short months ago when we were looking at having no spending cash over the holidays and then had to move as our landlord at the time, wanted the house up for sale. Stress and hopelessness were the first emotions to deal with (or rather, in my case, kick to the kerb) and then after a lot of running around and re-arranging finances we managed to get a new private rent which suits everyone for work, school and university. The child we care for was in tears thinking they would loose all their friends, I was hanging on by the skin of my teeth wondering how I was going to get through the exams and my man had the burden of being the only person with a regular wage to cover bills and a new higher rent as rent has gone up by around £200 since we last moved. This was probably one of the hardest times we have been through but we did it.
We did it as a team, we (the adults) ran around sorting the finances and new flat out whilst we involved the little one (hardly little at nine years old but little to us), they helped us pack as best as a nine year old can and they made us the odd coffee when we were literally too tired to move. They also helped to choose the house and we did give a true choice to them, there was a house and as lovely as it was their response was that it did not feel like them", so we didn't take it. Don't get me wrong, if there was nothing else maybe things would have been different but we were lucky enough to have a little time to look for something else, so we did. We were all moved in and settled in about 2 weeks and things were much less hectic after that. I did lose some revision time for my exams and didn't get the best results but I passed and now get to go on to year 3, one year closer to the end goal. I even managed to get that job that suits all hours and it's in a field that really interests me, and I continue to learn from that too. My man doesn't have to shoulder the burden of finances over the holidays either as I have my own cash to cover days out and help with shopping and it all works together.
I walked past a kinship carer poster today which stated that "It's hard work, but it's worth it"
I cannot tell you how true these words are but to see the changes we see every day, the confidence growing, to hear the teachers praise the child, to see the glowing school report and most of all, to hear the laughter, the laughter always makes you smile; these are the things that remind me that we do this because we care about that child's future, we do the things we do to make a better life for that child and that if we give up, we are only showing the child how to give up too. My man reminded me of this when we were in the midst of finding a new home. That childs confidence, intelligence and their laughter, re-confirm this to me every day. So yes, it is hard work, but that work is not always down to the child, sometimes it is down to the fact that you are trying to build something better but it is always worth it for the child because they do see the hard work, the long study nights, the tired mornings, the dedication, passion and determination, but most important to them is that they see the accomplishments and the happiness that goes with that and they love to share in that kind of happiness, especially if they think they helped you get there.
This is a vast improvement on where we were just a few short months ago when we were looking at having no spending cash over the holidays and then had to move as our landlord at the time, wanted the house up for sale. Stress and hopelessness were the first emotions to deal with (or rather, in my case, kick to the kerb) and then after a lot of running around and re-arranging finances we managed to get a new private rent which suits everyone for work, school and university. The child we care for was in tears thinking they would loose all their friends, I was hanging on by the skin of my teeth wondering how I was going to get through the exams and my man had the burden of being the only person with a regular wage to cover bills and a new higher rent as rent has gone up by around £200 since we last moved. This was probably one of the hardest times we have been through but we did it.
We did it as a team, we (the adults) ran around sorting the finances and new flat out whilst we involved the little one (hardly little at nine years old but little to us), they helped us pack as best as a nine year old can and they made us the odd coffee when we were literally too tired to move. They also helped to choose the house and we did give a true choice to them, there was a house and as lovely as it was their response was that it did not feel like them", so we didn't take it. Don't get me wrong, if there was nothing else maybe things would have been different but we were lucky enough to have a little time to look for something else, so we did. We were all moved in and settled in about 2 weeks and things were much less hectic after that. I did lose some revision time for my exams and didn't get the best results but I passed and now get to go on to year 3, one year closer to the end goal. I even managed to get that job that suits all hours and it's in a field that really interests me, and I continue to learn from that too. My man doesn't have to shoulder the burden of finances over the holidays either as I have my own cash to cover days out and help with shopping and it all works together.
I walked past a kinship carer poster today which stated that "It's hard work, but it's worth it"
I cannot tell you how true these words are but to see the changes we see every day, the confidence growing, to hear the teachers praise the child, to see the glowing school report and most of all, to hear the laughter, the laughter always makes you smile; these are the things that remind me that we do this because we care about that child's future, we do the things we do to make a better life for that child and that if we give up, we are only showing the child how to give up too. My man reminded me of this when we were in the midst of finding a new home. That childs confidence, intelligence and their laughter, re-confirm this to me every day. So yes, it is hard work, but that work is not always down to the child, sometimes it is down to the fact that you are trying to build something better but it is always worth it for the child because they do see the hard work, the long study nights, the tired mornings, the dedication, passion and determination, but most important to them is that they see the accomplishments and the happiness that goes with that and they love to share in that kind of happiness, especially if they think they helped you get there.